Gnomes consist of a number of different types. The most common is
the Forest Gnome who rarely comes into contact with man and has been reportedly seen with Sasquash. The Garden Gnome lives
in old gardens, marries early and enjoys telling melancoly tales about the old days, being single and his cousins
escapades with Sasquash. Dune Gnomes are slightly larger than their woodland breathren and choose remarkably drab clothing
(see front page). House Gnomes have the most knowledge of man, often speaking his language and keeping a close eye on the
milkman. Farm Gnomes resemble their House brethen, but are more conservative in manner and dress and speak more slowly. Siberian
Gnomes have been more interbred than other Gnomes (cold up there you know) and associate freely with trolls. They are
much larger than the other types and ask the same stupid three questions as Trolls. It is best never to evoke the ire
of such Gnomes for they delight in revenge. Examples include the missing laundry sock, glasses, car keys and that wet spot
on the bed that can never be explained.
Originating in Scandinavia on the farm of Sven Svensen, Gnomes were
always treated by Sven as a free and respected little servant. They took care of his baking, cleaning, foraging for food,
latrine cleaning, cabana boy duties, and was the occasional oxe cart designated driver. They also cleaned clogged
drain pipes (from the inside), chimneys (from the inside) and sometimes Swedish fish (against his will, the whole animal thing
you know). Gnomes later escaped, I mean migrated to the low lands where better business opportunities abound.